We are coming to our 26th week of this pregnancy. Nearing the end of the second trimester and unto the final length of the trip. Our house is filled with talk of preparation for our son, our daughter comes up and kisses and shares her toys and plays with my belly, her brother. Even as I type this she began rubbing my belly and wanted to hug Judah. Even at her young age, she is filled with love of this little being that she has never seen. And honestly at 2 can't really understand. Its beautiful, its amazing, I'm in awe.
However, I shouldn't be 26 weeks pregnant, I should be 33, I should be getting ready to meet the little angel we lost. I should be in the single week count down, I should be almost prepared. Our angel left and we got our rainbow three short weeks later.
Its a complicated mixture of pain and excitement. Each milestone we reached with Judah is full of excitement and love, its also full of grief. These are milestones we didn't get to meet with our angel. We are so amazed that Judah is alive, so ready to meet him, to hold him, to love on him. But how much more complicated will our emotions be? The losses after having our daughter were much harder, they had a face. We lost four more after having her, and now we have a Judah to fill our arms.
Its complicated, one baby does not fill the holes those lost created.
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