Infertile.....
Failure.....
You are an infertile failure of a woman.....
Those words are like death, they shred and tear at the last bit of hope that was remaining. All of my conditions that contributed to losing so many babies are also contributing to killing any chance that we may have to get pregnant again.
I sit here and look at my daughter and my pregnant sister in law and just want to hide, run from it all. If this had been my choice I would have been ok with it, but no it was taken from me right after spending this week saying and getting excited about trying another cycle. I would be finding out right on Christmas and that sounded amazing, instead...the likelihood of getting pregnant is almost nothing and I would get to see those two lines on a test for Christmas.
How is it even possible that at 24 my body has thrown in the towel to creating babies? What to do from here? How to deal with this? So many questions I cannot answer.
I'm still praying that somehow we get pregnant this month, but doubt we will and that breaks my heart. Just another tick to add to the damage my body has done to itself.
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