Why do I have this desire.....

I've been struggling with this question for a while now, especially the past couple days. Why did God give me the desire to have another child and then not let me get pregnant or when I do get pregnant take that baby away? After so many losses and months of nothing, the trial of trying to add to our family has become just that, a trial. The house is full of stress, simple task seem to have lost all meaning and I have lost the desire to continue doing them. I feel oppressed and hurt beyond any measure that I could have even thought I could. The questions of why? WHY? And screaming of how unfair it is has left my voice hoarse. I am not strong enough for this. I have met women so much strong than I. They have stillborn children, children who live for hours or min, or continue to have miscarriage after miscarriage and still have faith that another baby will come. I'm not that woman. I am weak. I take great pain in each loss, and they dig a chunk out of my will or hope to continue. I wish I was strong like these women and could know and hope still that we could have another child. But there isn't any hope. In fact the moment I found out I was pregnant I couldn't stop saying, "I hope I get to keep this one, but part of me doesn't believe I will." So I tried not to get excited, I tried to turn my mind to other things, but the glimpse of a pregnant women or a cute baby onesee would send me into a whirlwind of hopes and excitement for the little baby. And I knew, I knew deep down this baby really wasn't mine. I felt it the before we even found out we were pregnant. I can't explain the feeling, it was just there. Those babies were not mine, I have my baby. At this point we need to learn how to move on from here. We will find a way to have another even if my body is unable. But until then my heart still breaks and part of me feels like its missing.....